Содержание
Men in general tend to focus more on the content of the conversation, while women pay more attention to the process of communication itself. A man usually listens attentively for only 10 to 15 seconds. Then he begins to listen to himself and look for something to add to the subject of the conversation. Psychologists believe that listening to yourself is a purely male habit. A woman who listens to the interlocutor, rather see him as a person, understand the feelings of the speaker. The psychology of communication with men is complicated, but once you understand its basics, having a conversation becomes easier.
How do you talk to a man?
When talking to a man, you have to take into account the peculiarities, so to speak, of “masculine language. It has more nouns and verbs. Women have much more adjectives and adverbs. You should not expect flowery admiration from him. An acquaintance of mine uses the word “beautiful!” as universal praise. His good attitude toward me is probably also based on the fact that I am not a chatterbox to him. In turn, one does not have to be offended by verbal stinginess.
Knowing that only a man in love can listen to a woman for a long time, in all other cases, when talking to a man, try to say the most important things first and only then talk about the details that may attract his attention.
So, when I prepare to speak to my department head, I try to put all of my information into one sentence. As a rule, he no longer listens, but starts talking himself. I was taught this style of communication by many years of working in a team of men. Why would you waste your time? Take my advice.
Women, on the other hand, usually like to start the story with minor details, gradually building up tension, and only “in the end” to make the punch line for the sake of which the whole story was told. They do not take into account that often by this point the people around them have lost interest in the conversation.
Don’t speak loudly, and finish your sentence by lowering your voice rather than raising it, especially if it’s about something important and exciting. No matter how worried you are at this point, try not to forget that raising your voice towards the end of a sentence almost turns it into a question. And lowering your voice gives your tone confidence and persuasiveness. Never take a defensive stance in advance. Avoid even a formal apology for something that has nothing to do with you, for which you are not responsible. Otherwise, the displeasure will fall partly or completely on you. A man often needs to take it out on someone. Even if he doesn’t swing his fists, he will discharge himself psychologically.
The Art of Storytelling
Be smart. Remember that conversation is art, not idle chatter. Respect and love for a person is also shown in what we occupy his attention, his thoughts and his time. You have to be interesting yourself.
Think of Scheherazade. Why is she remembered among the few women who have entered human history? And especially in the East, where a single person, moreover a woman, and even one of the harem dwellers, was never valued? She, let me remind you, used to tell fairy tales to her lord at night. It didn’t matter that she didn’t seem to have a pretty face. Her features were hidden by the darkness of the night. Scheherazade was INTERESTING! Modern researchers, discussing her case, are amazed at how her memory could store so much information (read “The Tales of a Thousand and One Nights”). And they conclude that Scheherazade read during the day, selecting the most interesting things for the night story.
You say you don’t need it today: there are movies, videos… Yes, you do! It’s not all the time to sit in the cinema. And it’s expensive. You should always consider your friend’s finances and not embarrass him.
A walk can turn into a real punishment if it is boring. It is possible, of course, to make your companion talk. Experienced women say that a sure way to please and even fall in love with a man is to talk about him. He is asserting himself. And in your eyes, too. Of course, there will also be “noodles on your ears” (in the future you will read how to avoid unwanted consequences). But for now, listen with enthusiasm. Let him feel that you appreciate him. And much higher than others appreciate. Thus, recently one of my acquaintances has long talked about his ambitious projects, successful business, a significant political influence. I listened with admiration (I pretended, because I knew the reality). At the end of our conversation, they kissed my hand and said: “You are one of the few women with whom it is pleasant to talk.
How do you start an interesting conversation yourself?
However, it is not all the time to tell him. At some point, there might not be a suitable topic. Or the mood may change. Then you have to take the fight against boredom into your own hands.
We’ll talk about the date as such. In addition, you’ll probably use the tips of chapters on psychology, cosmetics, and clothes. Another tip: read something else that would be interesting for him to listen to. You’ll say, “How so? It’s up to him, a man, to entertain me! These are different times. Emancipation has affected not only women, but also men’s perceptions of them. In addition, it is often the woman who “lays eyes” on someone, gets his attention, and then keeps it. One way is to become Scheherazade. I have become Sheherazade. Of course, it’s easier for me, I know more, and I can always keep the conversation, but, preparing for the meeting, always think about what we’re going to talk about. Yes, he will certainly ask about how I lived without him, and I will ask about his affairs. And I always save a few interesting stories to weave into the conversation. Reward his words: “I am very interesting with you. I learn a lot from you and learn a lot. A woman just need to remember that many unions fall apart precisely because of boredom, because there is nothing to talk about. People, when they stop talking to each other, lose the important threads that connect them.
You have to be interesting to yourself. Don’t languish in idleness. Find something that will “work” for you. This will make you even better and your chances will increase. Love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, who will? True, narcissism shouldn’t be very noticeable. “Narcissist” is disliked by those around you. But the inner installation that “I am the most charming and attractive,” will give you exactly the confidence and peace, which are so effective on the stronger sex. If all the time to think and say: “Oh, I’m so small, pale, my feet, ears, nose, stomach and other parts of the body are not the same,” – will never be a beautiful, attracting attention and causing love. On the one hand, you are engaging in self-hypnosis, that is, you are indoctrinating yourself by increasing pallor, stiffness, etc. at the subconscious level. And on the other hand, this attitude is transmitted to others. And they, especially if they also hear such whining, are unlikely to feel admiration.
How NOT to behave with a man?
However, your confidence should not take on the features of aggressiveness. There is a type of “woman with a character”. Most often she has a high open forehead, a piercing, determined look, the muscles of the face and arms are tense. She fights for leadership, for priorities in many different areas. Her pressure is difficult to withstand. Especially because she is able to pull the strings of those around her.
This, of course, is extreme. But there can be another option. When a woman or a girl behaves like a man, wanting to gain favor to herself, as to “her boyfriend”. Yes, they’ll tap her on the shoulder, pour her a glass, hand her a pack of cigarettes. But more than that… Hardly. A normal man wants to see a normal woman by his side. And normal in his mind, not some “Amazon”. Amazons, sometimes, are admired, but they are not loved.
A man wants to be and look strong. And this is emphasized by a woman’s weakness. I spent most of my adult life trying to portray myself as a strong, independent woman. And I’ve had weak men reaching out to me. No, one or the other might have been over twenty centimeters taller than me, with huge muscles and superior years. But psychologically they were weaker. A woman always wanted a strong friend. She would like to hide behind a reliable back from the conflicts of life… For some time now, life has knocked out of me excessive self-confidence. And I was told, “Your strength is in your weakness. Now I have a really strong person by my side.
To the sacramental question, “How does one become loved?” André Morois answered, “By giving those you want to captivate good reason to be pleased with themselves. Love begins with a joyful sense of one’s own power, combined with the happiness of the other person.
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