Six types of love and how to recognize them

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Let’s talk about the typology of love. An acquaintance once told me, “I’m afraid of you: you’re a woman researcher. Well, let my research skills help you in some way. I remember my duty to the neglected girl.

Types of love

So, there are different types of love. Scientists distinguish six of them.


This has been the name of sensual love since ancient times. It is a strong but often short-lived passion based on erotic attraction. Although outbursts of adoration and jealousy give it the appearance of serious feeling. I won’t tell you about my experience in this case, you don’t have yours yet, so let’s take a literary example. Think of Julien Sorel and Mathilde in Stendhal’s novel Red and Black.

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There are no strong emotions here, It’s a love-play. Carmen or operetta love. This type is very common now, as some people see love as a hobby or as a kind of sport. And notebooks appear with the names of defeated or just partners for every letter of the alphabet.


This is the name of affection without emotion, love-friendship, love-accustomedness. It is characterized by the evenness and ordinariness of relationships. This type can best be illustrated by the example of Julia Lambert and her husband Michael from the novel Theater by S. Maugham. If you haven’t read the book yet, you’ve probably seen the movie. In it, Vija Artmane and Gunnar Zilinsky beautifully portrayed such a couple.


This too, apparently, will soon be one of the predominant types. Don’t you understand why? Because times are different. And pragme (do you know the word “pragmatic”?) is a love of convenience. It is reasoned and largely takes into account the material and social position of the “object of love.” An example is the unforgettable Esther from the movie “The Rich Also Cry.

какая любовь характеризуется прагме


Oh, this is a dangerous type! Irrational love-attraction, where one person unconsciously becomes the “hunter” and the other becomes the willing victim. Sometimes there is something dark about it. If you’ve read Conan Doyle’s The Beryl Diadem, it’s the case of Mary Holder and the outlaw George Burnham.


Here, finally, is the best, strongest and most lasting love. It combines a strong erotic attraction, emotional attachment, and respect for the personality of the loved one. Girls read the novel “Jane Eyre” by Charlotte Bronte. After all, it’s about love withstanding all the vicissitudes of fate!

Conflicting sentiments… Is love gone?

The state of love is associated with the manifestation of various and contradictory feelings and attitudes. Even caprices and sometimes ridiculous demands are possible. States of reverie and bliss alternate with a desire for privacy. Satiety is not excluded (remember and do not bore too much, if this is what you suspect), doubt about the sincerity of feelings of a loved one. These hesitations until both parties are convinced of their mutual love. Or until one of them loses the last hope.

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Remember the rule: for all good fortunes, thank the circumstances, and for all bad fortunes, blame only yourself. This is the golden rule for life in general and for amorous relationships in particular. If everything goes well, thank him, not yourself (though your share in the difficult task of establishing a relationship may have been even greater). If something didn’t work out, it’s your fault, not your partner’s. So there was not enough leniency, tact, tenderness, gentleness, nobility. Never get upset about his behavior. After all, you are the one who made the wrong choice. But don’t be in a hurry! If you fell in love, do not say: ah, how wonderful I am! Say, he is so good that he loved me! With this rule, you will see your own mistakes and try not to make them again.

How to distinguish true love from temporary infatuation

“Let’s say compliments to each other, because it’s all love’s pleasant moments,” sang Bulat Okudzhava. Compliments express admiration. And admiration is the first basis of love. At the same time, feelings of romantic enthusiasm sometimes do not give to understand the true situation: is it love or just infatuation? Flashes of infatuation are felt just like love at its best. But they never become a stable long-term state. Emotions can rise to a maximum, then periodically fade.

The question arises: if one cannot rely on feelings and sensations, how can one evaluate them? How do you distinguish between true love and temporary infatuation?

Psychologists help us to understand our feelings and the feelings of others. They teach us that falling in love sharpen our eyes and ears, our minds and senses with respect to the virtues of the one we have chosen. At the same time, it makes us seem immune to HIS shortcomings. But very soon the blinding can be followed by an unpleasant epiphany.

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And the first sign of falling in love without the promise of true love is an aversion to the shortcomings of the beloved, the beloved. The second sign is “intoxication” with a loss of responsibility. How is this? And so: from time to time a sluggish, wistful reflection bursts forth: “What is it me? And why do I need it? Ah, whatever happens…”  The third omen reminds us of the importance of the unity of the components of the ancient “Peach Branch” formula. Remember? If there is only attraction of bodies, it is not love yet. If there is no respect and friendship, it is not love either. The fourth omen can be called “acting.” Everyone wants to look more interesting in the eyes of beloved. Hence the acting, posing. However, if infatuation is ready to grow into true love, the need for this artificiality soon disappears. People realize that they accept each other for who they really are. And they are happy about it, because they don’t have to pretend and can be themselves.

Do you love someone? Write your feelings or ask for advice in comments! And also watch a very useful video.

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Автор Елизавета Татарчук

Эксперт женского мышления. Училась в РГУ им. С. А. Есенина на факультете психологии. Хочу открыть свой бесплатный кабинет психологической поддержки.

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